hotel room ftw
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
