$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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