I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
