Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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