i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize