a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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