the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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