no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
