I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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