I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
