My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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