Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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