wakey wakey hands off snakey
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
