I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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