Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
