I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
