i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
