I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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