Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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