I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
