At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
