There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
