I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
