You're completely useless in the revolution.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
