I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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