I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize