Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
