just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
