He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
