so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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