I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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