yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
