The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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