Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
