we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
