So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
