hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
