I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize