Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
