last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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