they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
