the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
