I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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