Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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