i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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