woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
