I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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