so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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