She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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