I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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