Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
