naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
not ubering you a puppy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
