I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
