Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
