About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
