i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
