Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
