Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
