I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
