Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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