Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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