I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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