don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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