what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How external is "for external use only"?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize