The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
