Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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