The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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