YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
