Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
