i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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