He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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