Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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