She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
