Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
