I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
