it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
