Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize