the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His nipple licking is glorious
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
