were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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