I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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