meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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