they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
