do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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