my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
