What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
...so i touched it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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