i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
