All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my shit smells like andre
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
