i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
