i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
