she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
