is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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