He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize