I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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