I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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