there's paper in my vomit.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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