Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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