Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
