Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
